the blogue

M : Okay what actually is the purpose of this format; the dialogue-like chat for the blog?

ell : the blogue?

M : Yes, why did you spell it like that.

ell : thats a question?

M : The period full stop (".") is to indicate my tone.

ell : okay not.

M : *sighs*

ell : wow a digital sigh

M : You didn't answer the former initial question.

ell : right: to document… yeah thats it

M : I think that this will be very boring.

ell : wellput

ell : if yu wear waterbottles on your feet, can you walk on water? onlt if taking into account alternate universes

M : What did you do now.

ell : i pur empty waterbottles (plastic) under both our feet and i wondered that,

so the question again, if you wear wa—

M : No, a couple of plastic bottles will not support your weight on water.

ell : i dissagree

M : I know that you know the possibility of your statement-question is questionable,

and I also know that you will have an unreasonable reason to reason your claim; so bring it on!

ell : ur rebbutal did not include the possibility of alternate universes that says "yes you can be that boy-antmy god"

so an infinite chunk of a relatively infinite ammount of universes define my statement as not stupid and not un-true..

M : We are nowhere near qualified to talk about this with a tone of voice in a faux-scientific tone.

ell : admit youre rong

M : With your logic, yes I admit I'm wrong.

But in your original statement you didn't specify that fact—the fact we're taking into account parralel/alternate universes.

ell : says who

M : It's right th—you changed it

ell : itsalways ben like that

M : For the readers… but… Gah!

M : You know, yesterday's conversation reminds me a lot of the library of babel.

ell : using wikipedia as a hyperlink link... link, also is it because of the universe variation thing

M : Yes, every universe containing every possibility of what can happen is very similar to every combination of letters possible in a book.

ell : there shouldbe a library of babbel for uhhh comics

M : How would that work—Every panel is randomised, The contents also random pixel formations?

ell : ya

M : I mean... we someone kind-of already did that, with the image version "Gallary of Babel"

ell : yeah i see, but like in the format of a comic. like panel per panel

M : I guess i should've clarified: someone already did the concept. So you could find a series of images that are back-to-back that make a sensible comic

ell : babel babel

M : Babel, babel, babel.

ell : will navidson

M : karen green

ell : VEhJUyBEQVJLIEZPUk0gVkFOSVNISU5HIEJFSElORCBBIENMT1NJTkcgRE9PUiwgCg

M : VFMBMV TeV HMHFlKAM KEACAE XU PM RBLD XOlE CWFMRVKC F WHTCM.

ell : no key?

M : What were we referencing?

ell : oh nice i see

M : Straight forward, make sure to separate the colours.

M : Throughout the day I keep getting ideas for the blogue, but when i get to have a chance to actually writing it i forget what i want to write

ell : whydont we take notes throughout the day

M : What if i don't have my phone on me?

ell : get a book

M : Same logic, I'm saying that i won't be able to always remember to write down things.

ell : sentences amirite

M : Huh? Oh yeah [haha]

ell : dw words are a struggle for the average english man M : Englishman? ell : see? M : 'C'! ell : Why Oh, You are? M = MAZE ell : hey you can't do that!

ell : also as david lynch himslef yused to say "If you forget an idea you love, you want to commit suicide"

M : That's true.

ell : let this be a lesson

M : Hey, I'm supposed to be the one that's giving the advice here

ell : this is a blog not a therapy chatroom

M : Thank you Joshus.

M : Wow, I haven't drawn an actual drawing in a while; almost a week.

ell : for someone else a week is quite a short ammounr of time

M : For something I used to constantly do when i was younger, I think I've been slowing down on my creative output.

ell : oh w— hm to a plant a day is relatively short

M : Meaning?

ell : time is relativ to tha perseever

M : Oh I knew that.

ell : yup so then what does it mean huh

M : Um...

ell : it means that even though you think ur slowin down it deosnt change that you still want to draw [you want to draw right?]

M : Yeah I do.

ell : its good to wait for a muse or an inspiration but if you wait to loon g to do something well then... you never get to wanting to do it

M : Your advice is very vague; or maybe just roughly formatted

ell : giving advice isnt my best ability

M : We both know that, thanks for trying.

ell : ivsenatfirtineincdeltikoehmae

M : What?

ell : i messed up typing int i

M : I think you did.

ell : oops hold on let me

M : What?

ell : i lowered the volume of everyting on tha computer

M : Johnny

ell : HA!

ell : alphabet, ready?

M : Okay, A

ell : be

M : C

ell : D

M : E

ell : F

M : G

ell : H

M : Eye

ell : jay kay

M : ell!

ell : M!

M : N

ell : O

M : P

ell : Q

M : R

ell : S

M : T

ell : U

M : V

ell : W

M:X

ell : Y

M : Z

ell : cool thanks

M : Thumbs up!

ell : patients sounds a lot like patience

M : Yeah, because it's a homonym.

ell : you dont think i know that

M : I know we know that... okay continue your initial thought.

ell : okai, and we also know that there are homonyms for letters in the alphabet right

M : A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z, wait is that why we alphabet-ed?

ell : yeah in addition to the thing

M : Right, so uh...

ell : org/asm

M : What?

ell : okay im looking at the title what is this about

M : Yes, we know what Hilbert's Hotel is right?

ell : of course

M : I'll explain it anyways (for fun) : [I've written this explanation so many times but the website didnt save and i lost 3 paragraphs] The proposition starts with "An infinitely long bus with an infinite amount of passengers arrive at Hilton's Hotel to stay there. But unfortunately, the hotel is already at maximum occupancy—with an already infinite amount of occupants in the infinite amount of rooms. The hotel manager is tasked with finding a way to fit another infinite amount of people into the hotel that's already full", so then it continues with the obvious, simple solution that suggests that every select set of an indefinite length on the number line is equal in length to the whole set of numbers. So the solution proposed is that "every occupant 'n' will move to double their room number '2n' . and the newcomers will fill in every empty room left behind".

ell : ughf reading

M : Shh—but what I'm saying is that, for higher room numbers like for example 245,744 would have to go to 491,488; which if we say that every room is 5 meters an-

ell : youre taking too long.

M : Sorry, my point is that if this hotel has or does exist, it would mean occupants of this hotel—that go this procedure—would have to walk miles every time there's a new infinite.

ell : well it is a hypothetical so lets think of it like one lets? [...] okay maybe the creatures in the hypotherical are infintly fast, or they have technology that can let them telepotr or maybe umm they do a chain throw in wich room 1 throws room 2 to room four, and room two throws room three to room 6 etc.

M : Well concidering reality here, we—

ell : wow you really want thisthourght out your brain huh

M : ...

ell : no more thouts

M : "thouts"

ell : exelent rebuttal

ell : xsta kaswp kcgzpcaommzy ewep mp mbvsopl bha

M : St, aotc egvx... atk?

ell : mx rmhmr tybc vmasmfl eyo avbx dz qa wstyo hamd qwf yyy

M : Jad xai vac hjvgwm... wqqmgk xqxmide xnvz urms aflxv xqxmide?

ell : sqnwi kwp

M : M tmzx xa mhfmf, ux bw cgmmi rgr; tpea xamzwmgk ar xai bqsipq fltx yukax nq eupq fs ymzp xai wqc pmftsnx mzc ivqhmhye opnie mrw--

ell : azlp khes! dmbmiynmg ms w zvu fmrsb fxfgpiz mlp vmm xedtmf

M : St dmzlf, eskvk. flx jgz ml mz flx gdmgdmzs... aaef?

ell : Apwt haij'gm athp tb hamd qif, mlpj xfhfcljzr oyze il fpebsk

Zxoul ge'zt anufwpvl bv zrsa, hloyi db, kfpw bmmw vq q llmrii uxmhav jpisy tu? zvyd.

ell : you wanna know how many bottle caps ive collected this year so far

M : I've seen the little containers you put them into, but i haven't counted them yet.

ell : 135

M : I... was honestly expecting more.

ell : its spread out anyways so thats basicaly why itseems lik ehters more then there actyally us

M : Right... wow, ten containers that are about 1/3 arm's length.

ell : how big are our arms again?

M : Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalala.

ell : wowa

M : Relative to our screen width multiplied about twice.

M : This is the first time in a while a movie caused me to tear up.

ell : which one?

M : Dancer in the Dark (2000), its the last song Next to Last Song (spoiler) that got me

ell : why are we always late to watching movies

M : What do you mean?

ell : we watched good will hunting 20 years after its releace, dead poets society by 33, and this by 26

M : I was going to make a comment on the movie, can you silence yourself for a second?

ell : alri

M : Throughout the movie I kept thinking to myself on how so many artists, talents, creatives never get the chance to show their full potential. Selma's Mind Musicals only happen inside her own mind, because every time a musical number is playing it shows the colours and the world in a more saturated tone; contrasting the dull exterior world (just stating the obvious). And (for me) i think the ending was a good ending—more short term good ending—because she managed to do a final performance, to the people who are against her and with her... but to her they are just people.

ell : yeah, well i just watched it and i understnd what ur getting at, tgeb only people who know about her talents are the uhh play director, cvalda, and... uhh i think thats it

M : Her son

ell : ya

M : Shit, It's sad

ell : yeah

M : Now the number '2056.10' is ingrained in my brain

ell : what

ell : oh

M : God why is it so hard to talk to people in real life, but put them behind a screen and I'm fine.

ell : classic case of ihate loo king at you dude u ugly

M : Not what I was talking about.

ell : i thi nk its easiere trusi tng an omnipresent voice th rough a speaker, it has less... physical risks

M : That is true, and the point I'm looking for.

ell : we used to be so active, and social back then

M : Looking backwards is not so productive

ell : were always prod udcive

ell : i keep remembering about this little thought experiment from time to time if fa child is isolated from society and any human interaction what will happen to it... im calling it it because i dont think it would be human

M : Well they would definitely have their own language, but maybe they won't talk, or think... it depends how much information we already have passed down into us, like... knowledge through DNA; that works right?

ell : well if it was birthed by a mother, then it could recognise the voice, or at least remember it but through dna im not sure

M : Right... say what if the baby infant had been given some sort of anesthesia, when it was born; so that way it could only remember being (let's just imagine they're living) in a white room—no birth, no womb, no voice

ell : total isolation

M : It would stunt their psyche so hard i don't think anyone could consider it human.

ell : what is a human?

M : What a question—incredible.

ell : genuinely

M : Look it up or something

ell : a h y ea s ho w eassyy wooow

M : Ew.

M : I was pacing around in circles in my room today, I didn't count how many steps though; unfortunately.

ell : wel lwe sat d own too rit?

M : I mean, once you've stood up you have to sit down eventually

ell : oince yo uve stopped clapping you never stopped, you were only waiting for the next one

M : And the only last thing you do is the one before you die

ell : and then there is no and then by then

M : My legs hurt

M : Pip, pip, pip, pip

ell : pip beep

M : Pip, beep, pip

ell : pip

M : Pip, pip

ell : beep pip

M : Beep

ell : pipipipip

M : Pip [efficient]

ell : beepeep

M : Beep, beep, beep

ell : pipipeep

M : Beep

ell : pipipipip

M : Beep, beep, beep

ell : pipipeepip

M : A

ell :

M : When should we begin it?

ell : begin it once were done stting everyhing up

M : Wow, that's gonna take a bit

ell : mhm

M : We've barely done anything yet for it

ell : youll know by somthi ng missing

M : Remember in middle school, where we used to observe our other classmates playing games in the distance and—

ell : and make littelcc harts in our mind ya!

M : Yeah! Looking back it was kind-of weird but who doesn't think the past is odd?

ell : whern they were playin g theri version of freeze-capture tag they always seperated by females and males

M : Yeah, and throughout the rounds, we tracked the variables that effected their playing.

ell : like the girls starting out collaborative and strong and longer on the boys kept getting more confident

M : And in the end they tied.

M : I think you can make music out of anything

ell : well if you sample and edit it enough for it to be listenable

M : No, not that, I'm talking about... just walking about and interpreting everything as "music"

ell : sounds like dancer in the dark is still on your mind

M : I've had this thought for a while

ell : well how come i dunno about it?

M : I didn't want to share until now

ell : realson oops reason being?

M : I just made a "musical track" thats just my footseps on a marble floor

ell : is itt uhhh 1.EXP.mp3?

M : Yup!

ell : well, on its own i think it could be considered music anyways, no need to interpret antyhing

M : Well, footsteps aren't exactly traditionally musical right?

ell : ...

M : Fair enough.

M : We did it!

ell : an album releaced almso t back to back with the one before!

M : Well I am just happy we get to see the collection of songs together, but that too

ell : also i like the name, clever

M : All me, he he! (M) (ell) [ow]

ell : giggly giggly

M : Why are we so giddy today?

ell : knowing there might be people that listen to it

ell : i like how this website is coming together so far, just havent done most of tha links yet

M : Right, what haven't we done yet?

ell : as of now, but prlly not when theyre reading this

M : Yes, what?

ell : well were makign a website i assume you would know

M : I only draw the stupid drawings, you're the one who has org/asms every time you finish a line of code

ell : rright... uh we havent done gallery, traditional, and no music, films yet

M : Alright.

ell : its not org/asm s

M : You think i don't know that?

ell : as in dont compare it to that

M : Oh yeah sorry

ell : no prob bob

M : "bob" hehe.

ell : cut the hairs

M : But they'll come back stronger.

ell : so what would you do?

M : I'd grow from it

ell : ill cover them

M : But will the hairs start to grow everywhere?

ell : not if you over them

M : We shouldn't have

ell : agreed to it

ell : i think the readers should try to do a mind orchestra

M : Is that really what you call it?

ell : yep

M : It's funny, keep going

ell : try humming something, doesnt ha v e to be that melodic, then save it... remember it or uhhhh k eep in mind the basic melody

M : And then...

ell : one by one add instruments to accompany the meloduy

M : It's important you do it one by one

ell : yep

M : Hey, don't you think this is just for musicians?

ell : this is for the music makers

M : Oh right cause everyone is a music maker is what you're saying

ell : did i stutter?

M : I do.

ell : eveything is music remember?

M : Right!

M : I remember the dream i had just last night

ell : me 2!

M : Was it the same dream?

ell : lest we fin d out

M : I was in a large, white, concrete room, with a small circular indent in the middle of the room that the diameter would be twice my height laying down—I could barely see where the room's corners are due to how evenly it reflected light, speaking of which where even is the light source?

ell : im in this giant white room, almost fully white, i didnt think much of it

M : The shallow indent in the middle of the room started to extrude itself deeper the more I thought about the implausibility of this room, what was before a mere inverted-bump is now a hole, that not even the light from this room could reach the bottom.

ell : i just realised a hole f ormed in the centre and i thought of jumping down, but then i imagined a staircase would be better

M : Suddenly, the hole generates a staircase for me—I didn't see how it appeared, even though I was looking intently into the hole, it's as if it had faded into reality and my brain didn't process its entrance. I of course started to go down.

ell : just as i say that a spiral staircase appears, and i go down down down, i imagine the room above has turned into something else now, i (at the moment) have forgotten about the white room, and imagined it as like a party of people trying to guide me to somewhere, but im undetered

M : It's been quite a bit, but I'm starting to hear a crowd of people in the room above me now, do they know I'm in the hole? I start to doubt myself, and I slowly try to re-emerge from the staircase.

ell : i keep going down down down down, but the deeper i go the more it feels like my head is slowly starting to be encased in a block of concrete

M : Just as my field-of-view views the beginning of the staircase, the sounds stop, and what was before a bright, white, concrete room that evenly it reflected light, into something old, ancient, cosmic but its size reduced greatly. Like a dead whale trapped in a bay of an abandoned city, I am frozen in place standing just a few steps before the floor of the room.

ell : the concrete fully consumes me and i am frozen, locked, unmoving, i regret going down, maybe going up again was a better idea after all

M : Before I could realise it, I'm starting to fall, the staircase has disappeared. I try to grab onto the hole's edges, but my body was in such a shock I woke up.

ell : woah

M : Woah indeed

ell : wellput

ell : there are prolly masters for everything

M : Definitely, the best of the best are best when everyone else isn't the best

ell : ??? oh !! you kno who might be the anagram masters?

M : I doubt you know anything about who is best at... anagram-ing

ell : the people who do those pranks that uhhh re arrange the letters to those greeting signs in front of major public infastruc ture

M : Infrastructure?

ell : yeah whatever

M : [...] You've got a point

ell : right? can you think of anymore masters?

M : Hm... gonna have to think about it

ell : right

M : eow

ell : ??

M : (M : eow)

ell : ohya nice

M : Does your name act as a prefix to anything?

ell : ephant

M : True

ell : not to be confused with ellephamt

M : Thank you JOHNNNY

ell : dont thank him

M : We both wouldn't exist right?

ell : lalala

M : Stay hard!

ell : that deserves more question marks than i could type

M : Came out wrong

ell : guess how many fingers im holding up

M : All 6

ell : nope

M : What is it then?

ell : i didnt think of one

M : O... kay

ell : [...]

M : One day I might be the one to kill you

ell : in one of the branches

M : Right... what about this branch?

ell : okay fine im holding up 6 fingers

M : Aw... doesn't really feel that impactful

ell : how so

M : It doesn't feel that impactful because i forced you to that conclusion

ell : what if i said i was holding up only 5

M : I wouldn't believe you but i'll feel better.

ell : im still holding up 6

M : Kill yous

ell : waa!!!

M : Hehe

ell : this brain should think of more people

M : One more canon event? i think one is enough

M : Whhwhwhhwhhwhwhh

ell : whahappen??

M : The feeling that someone else is in the house with us

ell : classic

M : But we live alone, and we know that

ell : maybe sitting in silence in the middle of your room for 3 hours isnt the best idea

M : I was trying to medetate

ell : you know how our brain is right

M : I oversighted that knowledge, the initial goal was to calm myself down

ell : now its the opposite

M : I might need a new perscription

ell : tell our doctor then

M : You do that

ell : ehhhh soon

M : Guh...

ell : cccrazy idea coming up

M : Mhm, I'll listen

ell : remember us before the uhh anti-sspsychotics

M : Oh how fondly I remember of those moments... why?

ell : and rember what happend when we experimented with the wall thing?

M : The cube yup, and the—

ell : ya we were basically provoking it

M : We're not withdrawing from our meds

ell : damn

M : I'm not willing to risk our sanity and our life for some silly drawings

ell : but remember how cool the cube turned out

M : You're starting to sound like JOHNNNY

ell :

M : Okay, idea canceled

⠀⠀maybe we shouldnt live alone

ell : tru that

ell : dont you find it unsusual how unususal it sunds when you use a word that is commonly asoosiated iwith a prefix, that the root word sounds alien

M : Elaborate, also unusually unusual is just unusual but with more unusual steps

ell : STOP

M : O.K.

ell : de-cap-itated => de-cap = unscrew? itated itated

M : Oh i see, so like... "unravel" becomes "un-ravel", and the root is "ravel"

ell : i think taht woudl meanto tanglel

M : Oh yeah... how about... hmm

ell : i think demonstrate works

M : Try it

ell : demonstrate => demon-strate => demon straight

M : No, no it doesn't

ell : it could mean straight demons, demons are usual y gay right?

M : What? as in it has no correlation with the original meaning

ell : no fun

M : Okay thought of one : "undo", "un-do", so do is just stapled on there, so does did done would be funny to put in there

ell : those are just the word va riosante fuck variatioens

M : ...

M : Oh

ell : wikipedia page of this NOW!

M : I doubt this dumb thing would have its own... thing

ell : page

M : Yep

ell : how efffective is silica gel

M : What?!

ell : silica gel

M : Our mouth feels dry

ell : my bad

[this was written the day after the day stated on the title]

ell : was the recreatio n of events accurate to yesterday?

M : What we wrote; yeah quite spot on

ell : i was very very curious

M : We're never buying seaweed ever again

ell : awwman

M : To be specific dried seaweed

ell : yea i got that

M : Un-poignant

M : Why are repeated actions made by the human body so... irritating to me

ell : liek sneezes, coughs, hiccups ,uhhh

M : Crying

ell : ya that too, why so?

M : The frustrating thing is that i don't know why i get so fucking riled up when someone, or I cough, or sneeze more than 2 times in a row; it's confusing

ell : then 2 times is okay?

M : Two is the only acceptable ammount

ell : but we both kno its usually 3 times a row

M : Exactly

ell : yike [singular yikes]

M : And how i respond to it isn't any better

ell : oh?

M : I somewhat mock the repeated bodily function that i did; in frustration, and when someone else does it—sometimes when i do it too—i want to impale the do-er on a tree branch and let their dead body hang

ell : sounds unhealthy

M : Thats what the rapist said

ell : ??????

M : I meant to say "therapist" sorry

ell : how come i dont have this problem?

M : I shrug

ell : a digital shrug waew

M : A.K.A. Narrating actions

M : I just threw up this morning, a little bit of blood

ell : finallie

M : "Finaly" what?

ell : you havnt thrown up ina awhile

M : I thought you said time is subjective?

ell : how was there blood? you didnt consume blood or any thing at all for that matter

M : Probably had a nosebleed in my sleep and it went down my throat, and what came out was mostly stomach acid, but it was a little barf anyway

ell : aww cute little barf

M : Hehe yeah

M : I overheard a conversation between two people today

ell : whre

M : Does it matter?

ell : nvm i kno

M : They were talking about (probably) a dead relative, who died long ago, and back then they were offered the chance to either cremate or bury them, but they chose to taxidermy them, and store them in a fancy little hotel like building, that recreates their home.

ell : woah are y ou sure they weree atalking about that?

M : Weren't you also listening in?

ell : i was looking at the tiles on the floor, there were—

M : 20 big tiles

ell : stop borrw igni my bran!

M : This is our bran

ell : anywy id be interested in taxidderming our bodies to be used a s a

M : DON'T SAY IT ON THE BLOG

ell : blogue

M : I change my mind, maybe i shouldn't peek into your bran-side that often

ell : its a fun palace

M : It's more like an apartment

ell : i kno yours is a funhouse

M : I know right

ell : are we still talking about taxiderm y?

M : I'd taxidermy myself

ell : to be taxidermixed, wait whso gonna do it to you?

M : Before I go, I'll already do the taxidermy to our body

ell : pre-taxidermed?

M : And then die

ell : yike

M : No?

ell : sometimes y ou still sound tlike the edgy 13 year old you once weere

M : I was nor edgy or do i sound like that now

ell : yu still talk about the same tonspidc fuck topics

M : I guess i do, but what do you know, i think when the split happened you were only... younger [...] how old are you now?

ell : how old are YOU knowe?

M : How old is the e██████t?

ell : el██████mt?

M : I'd like to stay formal, i don't want to misspell "e██████t"

ell : you dont capitalise your ""I"s sometims, and also its the name, you gave the name thats a plus

M : We gave the name, also the e██████t is... hm...

ell : dont look at me i forgot too

M : Well, I'm 22 and you're

ell : ninetieen

M : Right

ell : so?

M : Wait so how old is the e██████t?

ell : i dont know

M : How old was (t/s)he(y/) when J█████Y ███ed the e██████t?

ell : el██████ha tn was probbly █████ but i don tknow

M : After the e██████t was ███ed (t/s)he(y/) didn't ██████████████████

ell : so yeah i think my guess was ri ght prolly i dk

M : Poor you

ell : waut i thought we were supposed to help the e██████t

M : What were we talking about again?

ell : ████████████████████████ is

ell : i havent coded an aboyt me page yets got any idea what ittl look like?

M : Hmm... it should be a little bit more... customised don't you think?

ell : okok

M : Oh! don't forget our interests

ell : write it ddown 4 me

M : Liminal-rooms, Non-Euclidian rooms, Humanoid-stylised-artistic robots, Björk Guðmundsdóttir's music, Radiohead's melancholic electronic and drone-y acoustic tracks, Portishead... that seems to be all

ell : your music taste is shit

M : Your turn

ell : high voltage overhead lines, radio-towers, cables, long sleevies, femtanyl, aphex twinny (richard da games in general), autechre, boc, bjork too yeah but specifically the modern things come to me and selmasongs, andd its everyhwere

M : Done?

ell : yep

M : There we go we wrote it down

ell : ohyea

M : Do we have different memories?

ell : i think so

M : Speaking of which i don't really remember clearly much of when we were younger

ell : does it stop at early secondary for you too?

M : Yeah

ell : well whatever whrere for get ig i kno wits for the best of us

M : Like our brain... censoring information

ell : a blank spot

M : Yes, more like that

ell : well jow come we remember the el██████mt?

M : I don't think we were supposed to, notice how every time we bring it up it gets censored

ell : why don twe change the topic

M : Uh O.K.

ell : i got nohing

M : Welp

M : I had quite a unique nightmare this morning

ell : its amazing you e ven slept tint at daytime

M : I was moving my files, from the "C:" drive to the "D:" drive

ell : they look liek faces

M : What?

ell : D: = sadface

M : O.K.

ell : sorrie continue

M : And there was an error during the transfer process, and some files started to delete themselves, but the remaining space available was decreasing

ell : ooh

M : And for a couple hours, i tried to fix it, and find the missing files; unsuccessfully of course. When the computer inevitably crashed, there was a couple seconds of dread, my heart sank to my stomach, realising i may have lost all my files—my art, my music, my... files

ell : why du yu descibre your dreams so esotercily, and vague

M : I was aiming for poetic

ell : continue

M : The computer suddenly wakes up again, but this time with a human sentience—they start to torture and slowly kill me

ell : tis amazing how many times you endure violence iunyuour draems withought waking up

M : Did you dream?

ell : it was a johnmmmy dream

M : Oh, i see

ell : id say it wasnt a great time either

M : This is why we always sleep at 12:00

ell : wellput

ㅤㅤwe're not scaremongering, this is really happening!

ㅤㅤ█████ ███ █████, don't look down, shove it in your mouth

ㅤㅤi go through all this, to be ████ again with you

ㅤㅤbe nice to me and I will do ███████ what I'm told

ㅤㅤthe past i█s███ the present, yellow ball

ell : masterbaiting should be socially acceptable

M : O.K.

ell : thats it

M : Question or statement?

ell : baba bak hall lababalbal blabla

M : Mhm

ell : what a refreshing blogue

M : Is— yeah actually

ell : with the previ—

M : I got that

ell : AH!

M : What?

ell : mastering baiting = cum

M : O.K.

ell : can yoau react mo re enthusicasirtcly

M : Halving the width of a rectangle would be the same as doubling the height

ell : but the—

M : Only if we care about the ratio between length and height

ell : ok

M : Just a little thought i had

ell : y that thougt?

M : I was thinking of split-screens in movies, and how to divide the screen with the easiest calculation

ell : interesting

M : I know right, math is quite—

ell : i was tallking abot t he movie, what wold need a precice half split split-screen for?

M : You're asking the movie concept?

ell : yea! i thought you'dve known i was asking for that, with you being the creative one

M : Well the movie starts with two people, on separate sides of the split-screen. They go about their lives and its shown how similar they both are, but they both don't know about each other's presence, until one of them breaks the fourth wall; realising he's in a motion picture.

ell : ooooooh

M : The one who realises tries to break the split-screen, and eventually find out the crew filming them, the character runs through them, trying to find the other person in another set, and then as they meet each other, the seam in the whole movie drops as their worlds merge, and we dolly out as we're back immersed in their worlds

ell : waew

M : And imagine they're both different in style, period, and cinematography in the first act

ell : thats the more interesting bit of your thing

M : I've been desensitised to these ideas

ell : undesensitise yourself

M : Mnya!

ell : title this blogue after the movie concept please not the, oh nevermind

ell : oh yeah i did take a walk in the morning today

M : Really?

ell : yeah you dont remember tht?

M : No, i thought we haven't been outside at all this week

ell : that still stands tru, if not coutning today

M : Odd, i don't remember

ell : i didnt want to shar the expiereice w/ yu

M : Aw, why?

ell : you always complain aboyt the sun and stuff

M : True, and the surroundings is quite unpleasant for me

ell : water

M : Sweat, yes

ell : sweet

M : No sweat

ell : blogue in the 23:15

M : Oh yeah

ell : the tv people should bring back psas for children to watch, and parents stop letting children watch youtube as aform of uhh media

M : Yeah, i would agree, television for media consumption, and youtube for... entertainment

ell : i mean were speaking from une-xpiereience

M : After watching—fan-animations, gaming videos, and multiple... other... media

ell : prawn

M : Explisit fetish media, i admit it

ell : was this before or after?

M : After

ell : makes ssense

M : It's mostly our fault

ell : nana dont worrie its never our fault

M : Hmm...

ell : back to the init atli ntfuck

M : Take your time

ell : inital topidc

M : Again, i agree

ell : or atleast dont let them have free regin on the wooky spooky interseas

M : I think we would've had a great childhood if we were watching Upin Ipin, or something rather than Ridiculous Cake

ell : its amaixng your emember the name of the account

M : It was a memorable expierience

ell : ewwwwwwwwww

M : As if you weren't there at the time

ell : i tried quite hard putting that memoru in concrete

M : Oh sorry

ell : dont worry i am the master of baiting everyday anyway

M : Oh nice rhyme

ell : BARS!

ell : i reely wanna do a little puzzle arg scavanger hunt thunggy on this website

M : Oh? what inspired us to do so in the first place...

ell : i meean we hav been planning to do somethinng like taht from mthe start

M : *You* have

ell : i have

M : But i recall you couldn't find a good way on how to execute the puzzle-making

ell : but noww i have!

M : Waew!

ell : i had done my first blind run of notpron, i got quiite far

M : That's what you were doing

ell : i got to 40

M : Weaw!

ell : now that i have an idea of what itll look like ill finally do it

M : Yay!

ell : one day

M : yaY!

ell : ha its a palanrome cant do double meanings

M : Its unfortunate

M : I have been writing down my dreams in a dream journal for this week

ell : why?

M : "Cause we're playin' Bendy"

ell : hAHAH

M : Because i've been interested in lucid dreaming—would you like to hear some?

ell : uninteligable rambelings from a half asleep ██████... waew

M : Oh okay this is interesting : "dream #2: a scateborsing gane where tge kids always ragdol and fall if your xontrols are off, but when one of the skateboarders fell in front of a cave and inside the cave was Santa and the skateboarder is now not playable anymore, the skateboarders investigation inside of the cave and found Miss Santa's heads inside of the refrigerator inside of a hole underneath Center Santa after we beat it up, miss sabta had a lover whi h was apolice ofdicer and as a gidt gave half a cookie whule she has the otger half, the missanta heads would then point me to a giant gaping gap behind me leading to a long corridor, it led to nowhere but the further i went the more windy it went, also i had a torch"

ell : santa sorry MISS santa heads?

M : Did they divorce? why is it "miss"

ell : axe your shelf

M : I'm questioning my own dream with rhetorical questions, also all my dreams always end in liminal spaces somehow

ell : ive been noticing taht patrn

M : Did we write down yours?

ell : "jork on a train, and [thom] York but as a feminine voice calls Brk the queen but she denies, I was having an interview with her"

M : Is that it?

ell : ya LOL

M : R.O.F.L.

ell : woah it was that funny

‎M : I'm thinking of femme-thom

ell : ah yeah i see, it was more like womanvision tm

M : You perceived Thom Yorke to be a woman?

ell : i musthave

M : Well its a dream anyways

ell : thats why w e were writng them down i was curious but didn task

M : Good

ell : ...why do you want to lucid dream

M : Richard D James' technique on getting—or making—stuff from his dreams and recreating them in real life

ell : sounds absurd

M : It's well worth a go

ell : ill help

M : We're currently having a sudden reflux of electricity in where we live

ell : a blackout

M : Yeah, and it also made me realise something

ell : i think i know where this is going

M : You probably do, it's just how much we depend on electricity everyday

ell : well,c omes the new era

M : Like the blog for example, if the internet dies for the entirety of a day we wouldn't have any outlet

ell : its dangerou s to dempend on stuff liek that

M : "Well put"

ell : this for the readoers to right

M : Yeah, go outside you!

M : Thought of nothing interesting today you got anything?

ell : what do you mean ??? you drew a bunch in the journal

M : Yes, but that's not something that can be easily discussed about without it being a boring conversation going nowhere

ell : wellas our other conversations

M : True

ell : need to remeber, M : this is a blogue

M : Blog

ell : blogue, you can do whatever, ive been doing whatever have you seen how i started my thingies?

M : They are amusing

ell : dont talk all fancy

M : I can't help it today

ell : see thats a topic right there

M : Hm, speaking of which i just realised the things we do regularly, subconsciously, without knowing, others don't do

ell : je vander why

M : It was a rhetorical statement

ell : im doing whatever i want, answering rhetoricals

M : Oh you!

ell : winks 12 times exactly at nonexistent spyware that is looking through the webcam !!

ell : so tied

M : Tired

ell : ye

ㅤㅤthis was written the day after

M : I'm getting back into writing screenplay again

ell : just call it sc ript you fancy pants

M : Every time you mention that, i think of Fancy Pants Man

ell : same here

M : God i wiss we could play the games again

ell : we can

M : As in play them with the mindset / thoughts of a newbie or a better word would be clueless teen

ell : thats a phrase

M : I will not change sayings to fit contexts

ell : well anyways youd need like a brain deleter

M : W— you wouldn't delete the whole brain, you mean like something that can control the thought patterns and memories of the mind

ell : like that one movie !!!

M : I'm making that the title

ell : how much dopamine can the human brain comprehend

M : How many "fun" chemicals can one ingest before acting erratic and paranoid?

ell : fair enough

M : Are you having fun?

ell : all natural joy right here

M : Why?

ell : why not ? bitch

M : Damn, O.K i see

ell : im going to jump from a high altitude and survive

M : O.K MAYBE DON'T DO THAT TO US

ell : twas joke

M : Sometimes you need to specify when you're joking or not

ell : i wouldnt kill myself if i was happy

M : Happy suicides... how often does that happen?

ell : well they must be accidental, you dont kill youself j uft cause yorue too happy

M : Depends, what defines happiness

ell : a state of well-being and a clear mind

M : Where'd you get that?

ell : my well mind

M : O.K then in that case i don't think there are any happy suicides that are... intended to kill

ell : youre saying someone couldve been having so much fun they acciddentally killed themselves

M : Think about it

ell : ...

ell : okay i see, im gonna be sad now

M : That's a false dilemma, there's a range of emotions... or is it "Argument to Extremes"?

ell : stop googling shit to make you look smart

M : I'll keep googling because it makes me smart

ell : i doubt yourereading any of that

M : I am reading

ell : i meant letting the words sink in

ell : i smel like a s miwwing pool

M : Chlorine smell

ell : it might be

M : When did we last shower?

ell : its bad when you dont reme mebr

M : No, i'm just not sure if it was yesterday or... doubly yesterday

ell : owhewll

M : B

ell : A

M : Xzhu

ell : LLAae

ell : endured a full 7 hours of unmedicated paranoid schizophrenia

M : Mhm

ell : iguess we s hould uhhdescribe ou r espierence

M : Yep, for the psychiatrists out there

ell : okae

M : O.K

ell : whosstarting

M : Oh, uhm... well, i did take a sit back i don't know

ell : i just was asking jus t icase

M : In case

ell : thats what i meant—anyways uhhh, shadows suddenly growing, and it felt like the roomwas breath ing, like , and i know where the lungs were, and my bran was connected with the "house", not the room we're in but "house". also a lot of spinning objects, and of cousrse jonnny was there

M : Mhm...

ell : it was only 6 hours, after mornin meds, so im not sure how bad it would be if a wh— nevermind i do ha ve an idea of what it'd belike

M : Yeah, i wonder why

ell : the scars are sti llonmy thighs lol

M : Our thighs

ell : maey baed, there were litlle machines operating un er the epiderm

M : We sound crazy

ell : wanna kn ow a way how to spel lnaemes?

M : What

ell : M I LOVE YOU !!!

M : Aw thanks

ell : th t spells 'emily'

M : Oh

ell : initial statement tis true tho

M : Ah! i get it now, [M I LOVE YOU] [em, ily] [emily]

ell : i got inspire d bya video breaking down how—in braile—words and sentenses are abreviated to save room and symbols

M : Cause its a 2 by 3 grid, it would have... like 64 combinations?

ell : right

M : I'm gonna assume that isn't sufficient for all the symbols used in average english

ell : eyah, but you got anything ?

M : Huh?

ell : the thing mily thing

M : Oh, hm...

ell : ...

M : Thank You Ell, Emergency room!

ell : TY L ER

ell : tyler !!!

M : Yeah

ell : fun, you should try it reader

M : Agreed

ell : i JUST learnt they are called pylons

M : Oh?

ell : ive been calling them high voltage transmitters, but its fucing pylons !!!

M : But we know that word

ell : its not that we dont know that word its that w e forgot to use tis use it

M : Oh okay, alright

ell : stop motion sex scene

M : O.K.

ell : i know right

M : I'm responding neutrally

ell : thats a valid reaction

M : Why?

ell : why ? why what ?

M : What made you think that?

ell : voice-call

M : Of course

ell : fun fun fun funf un

M : I just finished drawing a journal entry, and i come back to this.

ell : yup

M : You're one special one

ell : WE special ones

M : Sure...

M : Most people are probably seeing this when it's out and available to download and read; if i even do finish it, but I'm writing a book/novel!

ell : aww an aspiring writer

M : It originally was supposed to be an animated short, but i realised how challenging animating something is

ell : well wish you good luck also where would this be?

M : It would be in the links section in the website, I'll put my other projects and stuff there too

ell : misc. projects

M : Also scanned in "BOOK_1"

ell : oh nisce

M : So i hope you've set up the sub-site for that

ell : hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

M : Chop-chop

M : I just scanned Journal's 1–2

ell : niced

M : And cropped, and ready for serving

ell : gulps...

M : Chop chop

ell : ow ow

M : The novel is at 0.3 by the way

ell : is that your chapter system?

M : Sub-chapters, like scenes in a screenplay

ell : odd

M : I'm even, you're the one that's odd

ell : ghulps...

M : I've written down a few little notes, and i'd like to share

ell : for me orfor everyone

M : Why am i putting it on the blog?

ell : blogue, fair enough

M : "a sequence in a film where two scenes play out at the same time, by switching between the two every frame; like interlaced video"

ell : its alway sneat how you think bout cinematography

M : Thank you. "sleepless nights and slumbered mornings", just some sentece

ell : tru tho

M : And one that's just: "blind imagination"

ell : aphantasia ?

M : That's the subtitle

ell : huh

M : I have more

ell : i need to loo kat your notepad sometime

M : Most of these i wrote down while doing nothing

ell : makes sencs

M : I've scanned around 200 items today, my traditional drawings that i have saved

ell : wow, how much of it is the journal?

M : Twenty-five-percent

ell : alright

M : But one thing: some sheets / doodles have been lost

ell : naurrrrr

M : But i think i remember digitizing them on my old phone

ell : rrrrruan

M : What the fuck

ell : reverse nourr

M : Oh, okay

M : It's so hot today our saliva has turned into a foam, and spit like residue from an unfinished plate

ell : itaintthatbad

M : Ughf...

ell : the lights out ag ain too so yike we cant blogue

M : We're writing this on paper btw, and we hope to digitize it soon

ell : yhup

M : Yheah

ell : if ambidextero urs is good with moth hands then what is is when youre good with none?

M : Guess first, because i know

ell : uhm... di dexterous? is it sometin latin or dexter in latin is

M : Is right

ell : realy? the guy from the hit tv show is called "right?"

M : Wright, i mean Dexter

ell : Ok... so latin for left is... sinister/sinistra

M : Yup

ell : wait is that it? wow lefthandednessism

M : Maybe they didn't come across that many at that time

ell : yeah but "double left-handed" sounds like you have two left hands

M : Which is basically saying "two non-dominant hands".

ell : hmm

M : Good right?

ell : whatabout half half?

M : Are you O.K

ell : nevermind im fucking idot

M : Idiot

ell : trans-allegories in all media now !!!

M : I love the way the characters developed throughout, not only visually but more obviously personally

ell : im so angrily bitter-sweet rn

M : At the ending, w-how *sighs*, couldn't think of anything better

ell : its the type of show that makes you want to make your own better [if youre already working on one ofc]

M : "FREE DIAMONDS ON THE STREET"

ell : THE FO RKLIFT , TREE OF D E CAY

M : "YOU GREEN MOUNTAIN MAN, HANDS MADE OF MONEY, SAY HELLO TO YOUR BOTHERS"

ell : HRU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

M : Freedom of speech is best shown here

ell : R.I.P probbly

M : Who is he?

ell : no idea

M : Why have we been "fasting" for the past few days?

ell : cmo nwe have the same brain

M : I don't hear it if you aren't thinking in sentences

ell : rigt, you figure it owt

M : O.K... a hint perchance?

ell : grow up

M : Is that the hint? if not then consider me offended

ell : broski doesnt liek being called a children

M : I don't know why "a children" was so funny

ell : lll make the title the hint

M : O.K

M : Alright

ell : hyeah thats it !!! /ref

M : "He he he yup", well have fun, i won't be fronting this shit

ell : i will

ell : brothers and mothers, misters and sisters, and not to mention the others and lovers

M : What is that supposed to be?

ell : replacement for ladi se and ge ntele men

M : Men aren't gentle anymore these days, sometimes

ell : only so mtimes

M : Also happy 1000000th blog!

ell : either you forgo t the commas or oh i see

M : Have you ever felt like your vision suddenly blinked black for a second and came back? like for a frame everything disappeared, but you never blinked

ell : everytime we—

M : I'm talking to the readers

ell : oh

M : If so, chat us up at █████████████████████

ell : was this just a call for more people to talk to

M : No, maybe

ell : yu know we have loads of friends right?

M : Can i trust them fully?

ell : some of them, yeah

M : But i'm still curious about the blinking without blinking thing, i'd like to discuss that

ell : lets look it up together !!!!!!! yeay !!!

M : I'm scared people will find or do things that make me look bad, so that's why i rarely share much with anyone

ell : yu mean you dont wanna make us look bad, by keeping everything to yourself?

M : Yes, maybe

ell : what's up with you ?

M : The people in my computer are silently monitoring my every move, the flashing, blinking, withering line on my screen, waiting a letter come, and become a thought

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : on

ell : no

M : You know, i just realised i may not have the ability to comfort people

ell : ha tru. . . the lack of kno wlege is from the fa ct that it hasnt been taught yet, liek playing without knowing the rules and such and so

M : That's a good analogy [nice], but there has to be at least a point where someone comforted me right?

ell : do u know?

M : You're the one who remembers better right

ell : our parents were awesome, best parents we couldve gotten in life

M : That's true, It's a shame we didn't appreciate it as much, and i still don't but i understand how effecting they are [or is it affective?]

ell : thats a you problem

M : Us problem, that's why—you, me and we are here

ell : hmmm, so it doesnt count

M : It does, which also destroys your reasoning; ha!

ell : aw well shucks for trying to reassure us/yu

M : Any other examples though? i'm intrigued in this now, i don't know much since you're always hogging all the people talk

ell : HE doesnt count right?

M : DO [whoops sorry] ; ; Do you think *that* was comforting?

ell : in retrospect no, but at the time

M : Doesn't count, but... eh...

ell : satisfied now?

M : Venting in med-bay

M : I have so many friends and people i am so grateful for; and i love that and i thank you so much, but there's this ever-so growing feeling of being alone after everything i do

ell : do yount have enough vai jaskf

ell : do you not have enough validation to feel good about yourself? for me i dont need that much to be motivated

M : I just want people to see what i do, and say what they thought about it, even if its hateful or degrading of me i'll delightfully take it

ell : thisis wh— nvm

M : Why what

ell :

M : Why what?

ell : this is what i mean by "this is why you're never happy about what you make"

M : I understand that

ell : yore only happy if someone says you should be

ell : und yu shouldrdnt blame yourself for that

M : But this is me feeling this way right?

ell : its just the way were wired together

M : Well this brain needs cable management

M : If i keep going on like this i might have to let you stop me from hurting us

ell : as in youl step back? for a bit rihgt? only

M : I'll stay in this corner until i get better

ell : that won't work

M : Any other ideas?

ell : we should go to the psych ward again

M : Usually i say that

ell : clearlyyoure not the one thinking straight the last few weeks

M : Very uncharacteristic, that's weird

ell : aww cyute

ell : howswriting your little thing going?

M : I can just show you

ell : donwannareadmorethan1pageeoftext

M : O.K then, it's going a' good, a little slow but i'm consistent

ell : joyous !!!

M : Indeed it is

ell : how big do you think itll be

M : Length-wise?

ell : page amount

M : Hm....

M : 100–200 pages? i hope it won't take too long to do that

ell : sounds like i wont be reading it afterall

M : You're the one that made the summary and the first animation tests, i mean we're the one that made / thought of the story together

ell : yike, ive been spoiled

M : I have a lot of stories in my mind i'd like to share too, but writing and animation is slow and tedious, but hense the consequenses of being a creative

ell : lalala

ell : by by pride mont i hope yall have fun

M :

ell : thinks........

M :

ell : this is boringk actually i got nothing written down for today

M :

ell : usually id get something from our journal or somthsing but not today i guess

M :

ell : souhh.... imagine this as empty space unicode.com

M :

ell : dont worry about her shes need dsome rest

M :

ell : i feel bad sometimes

M :

ell : but ishouldnt right ? left ? upward ?

ell : ohya listen to this

ell : nuttin much, im gonna be doing the osc 48 film festival today, im hoping M can herlp with the animation, hoping i dont ahve to do that allmyself

M :

ell : ive forced M to work on some bits, i mainly wrote i hopre she's satisfied with that

M : It's a bit clunky but alright

ell : jjoy !!! "alright" ! get back to work now

ell : youdoing alright

M : I'm incredibly distraught but i can't express it

ell : yike maybe we shouldve been in a better mental state i mean you shouldnve been when we started

M : My arms still hurt, even though i didn't do anything of substantial damage, im such a pussy

ell : yteand what if u are ?

M : Am i?

ell : ar u ?

M : You just swapped out two letters of my original question

ell : glad yore back M

M : Thanks smiles

ell : glad yore back M (ˆᗜˆ)

M : Kaomoji

M : God i'm so exhausted

ell : tha lack of sleep and constant working on the film got to you huh ? proud of ya... for being human

M : Thanks [?] but not just that

ell : yike maybe we shouldve been in a better mental state i mean you shouldnve been when we started

M : I've been getting extremely suicidal thoughts, even though.......... hm

ell : wait no dont die, you forgot to live

M : Inside joke, by the way, viewer

ell : go rest

M : Hey ell

ell : a ! yur writing in notes

M : Yeah, i can't leave my bed

ell : ouhgh are your eyes closed

M : Sometimes, that's called blinking

ell : yu doingalleft?

M : I am, just tired

ell : i dont believe that

M : Why do you not

ell : we havnt shoursd ? showred ?

M : Im too tired to do so

ell : iv noticed ive been fronting for a while and when you, you just lay around

M : Dont worry, i think it was... yeah, just the exhaustion from making a film for 48 hours straight

ell : your fuckass house of leaves book fell og fthe shelf on the desk and land eded directly on my fcukgin fingersgod mother fucker

M : Laughs Out Loud

ell : the blood thats runshing to this finger is making it warmer

M : Good, i've been feeling quite cold

ell : damn it

M : Never mess with the house, wait what's the context? why'd it fall

ell : i was tapping rythimgicly to a song

M : Your fault then

ell : yup

M : I'm going back to hibernation

ell : you've sat infront of a wall of text withougt adding another brick

M : Oh! nice analogy, A Blind's Date is taking so much brain power i can't

ell : if yo u dootn do it house of elaves witll attack you

M : How

ell : im gonna smash this book on our head and it;;ll hurt

M : O.K fine i'll work on it

M : nothings

M : slowly

M : so slowly

M : becomes

M : somethings

M : The past week i've been throwing up, and gagging an empty stomach

M : I don't want to worry anyone thats reading our blogue

M : We're fine

M : I've been thinking a lot about

M : I have a fear of loosing pieces of my past, or in simpler terms: memories

M : I wish there was a scribe or some machine that monitors and records every thing, action, product i produce and record it into a record

M : Not so that i remember it, so that i remember it by

M : I've lost many old recordings of ourself; though i hate looking at faces that are now gone

M : All because past us didn't have the decency to preserve and archive

M : "I'll do it later"

M : And once the ill wind blows, the ones affected by the gust will be swept away

M : Caught in a fountain, looking at the deepest reflections

M : Should i make a will and testiment now? or at least something to notify my friends of when i die suddenly

M : Like if the entire day i never push a button it sends a message to all my comraderies that i have passed

M : Perfect

M : I'll tell ell about this maybe

M : Oh no wait its on the blogue anyway huh

ell : our left eye has been twitching for several hours did you sleep yesteryet ?

M : Why, do i have to ?

ell : entre the spiral of the great hall

M : Are you enjoying [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuri_(genre) House of Leaves] ?

ell : up to the preperation of Exploration/Operation #4

ell : why does that l i nk to fucking yuri the wikipage

M : Runs away while giggling

ell : grr ! come back !!

M : Time to enjoy time alive now

M : I can't get up, i don't want to, but i do want to

ell : sometimes the best way to describe thing sis to descibe a thing is to use opposite properties

M : That doesn't help the fact that i want to swallow the barrel of a gun, or watch my organic wires spill, spool out

ell : there's not much we can do about that than to just...not

M : You should write down what you get from our therapy sessions, i don't seem to recall any important bits

ell : its mostly our effort no ?

M : Time to write A Blind's Date, M. Fatinna

ell : stupida ass penname

M : If i end up coming out i'm using that, M. Fatinna—Fatinna

ell : read thru a blind date, and niced

M : Read or skimmed

ell : skinned

M : Wait no come back, you forgot your skin

ell : ellevator sqeuence was cool

M : Based on...almost everything was based on some experience i had

ell : M'sblogue2.0 but interpreted trh u two ch characters

M : Splitting the infinity to find yet another infinite

ell : sure

M : I've had two people say they saw me in their dreams, or at least within the confines of their subconcious

ell : jelous, i want a tulpa of me

M : They imagine me so joyous-ly

ell : whom?

M : Hypernoot, and James Woz; if they're reading this: "Hello" ! says M

ell : and me too

M : Came out to most my friends, im so joyous

ell : finally the locks are off the closet

M : I've been waiting for so long but i don't know if i can actually transition successfully

ell : i wish this temple sjourney luck

M : This temple's got columns and chunks taken out of it and horizontal scars swiped through the epidermis

ell : i loev the way you word shtuff waew

M : Now its time to train my voice, just a bit embarresed currently

ell : ghhhhhhh its gonna take a while sin tt i tt hur hwbzhjgbj

M : Made my first girl dinner

ell : we're poor what did wi maaek

M : Crunchy chocolate and marshmellow sandwich, between two toasts

ell : im imagining it.........yummy?

M : Yummy, but i put too much chocolate so i feel sick this morning

ell : yike

M : Refer to the dictionary

ell : o u r dictionary

ell : our birfday !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M : Joy, or supposed to be

ell : yea, usually birthdfdays are supposed to be accompanied with the emotuon or state of happiness, a celebration of life, but thats just social standards

M : Grrr!

ell : hows girly-ing out feeling

M : So far not much different, which i should've expected; a series of sudden changes throughout a gradual timeline, but it's so frustrating that i haven't reached, met, acheived the expectations i expect myself to be as a woman

ell : a nonbinarywoman

M : True that, woke-ness meter is so high

ell : woakwoekwokeokeok

M : It feels like our birthday was ages ago, like 4 months ago was the change between the ages instead of the annual celebration of leaving the womb

ell : will some bjork or yorke make you feel batter?

M : Maybe, maybe.

ell : joy !!

M : Also wow, there's a lot of people who aknowledged our birthday

ell : friends yes yes yes thank you to you

M : And Neo, and Chloe for making a piece of art of both of us

ell : oh ya put it here

M : Yes, this is Neo's, and this is Chloe's

M : I haven't dared try talking to my friends with the voice i've been practicing, especially the ones who've heard my masculine voice. God i hate it.

ell : d'ya want me to do it instead ?

M : Do you know how to sound like Björk while not sounding like Björk ?

ell : is that seriously your voice goals; Björk—i mean based but O.K

M : It's like... so pretty, the voice

ell : but how dhard is it t odo ?

M : As i've said, i haven't practiced

ell : gooten luck'en

M : Neo, fact check this shit

ell : its real i sware

M : I'm gonna break my monitor i swear !

M : I just realised i can just choose how i want to present myself, there isn't any preset choice

ell : work on that damn novel

M : Thinks using a brain

ell : you got it ?

M : Dialogue scene between The Bear and The Bunny in the Cafe; chapter 1.1

ell : mhm

M : I've gotten most the ideas down on how the conversation will go but everytime i sit down i forget

ell : have you written it down ?

M : I don't remember where

ell : i think i remember, check in the Appenix of our journal

M : Journal four right ?

ell : yep

M : Thanks, yup

ell : yup

M : Pacing, pacing, pacing

ell : to what song

M : It's not up to you-u-u-u

ell : you seem happy

M : Talking to our friends

ell : whoeum ?

M : Whom. Uhm... Chloe, Neo, Josh, Mik[a/s], Hypernoot... etc.

ell : ohyea he gave some advice about our—or actually, huhm, your trsnansiotn huh

M : Yeah, i read it

ell : so ?

M : I'd like to choose, but i'll keep it in mind, thank you!

ell : joy !!!

ell : jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

M : kkriminalss

ell : unndooo

M : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ell : XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M : Look a their hands and feet, lack of a torso

ell : ######HASHPOUND%%%%%%PRECENCTAGE

M : INTRRRRRROBNGGGGGGG

ell : ?!

ell : a

M : B

ell : cee

no i have no idea either [ell — 25/7/26]

M : An awful horrible taste has entered my mouth, i feel like i'm not good at anything

ell : looksaroundwhat are you talking about

M : Like, my writing [those who know] gets criticism that is mostly negative, and my art feels like its not evolving

ell : wereall evolving on the inside

M : I'm not evolving i feel like im rotting

ell : dieingking

M : Dinkus * * *

ell : ha !!

M : I'd like to sleep now, and waking up is the choise given to my heart

ell : double meaninggk

M : Spin, un-spin, whirl, un-whirl, twirl, un-twirl, wind, unwind

M : Working on another book alongside A Blind's Date

ell : burnout bydoing anoteher project

M : Die! Burnout! Die!

ell : have you tried working wirh someoneelse

M : You don't count right?

ell : ya

M : Reader! H-E-L-P

ell : hellkyeah!!!!!!!!!!!

M : A chance to insert a bygone puctuation¿ a joyous opportunity!

ell : ***

M : Dinkus, my beloved

M : Should we celebrate FOR TOmmorow?

ell : uv what, oh nvm iF IVE gotta make something i swear

M : Today's day 99 of the blog

ell : blogue !!!

M : O.K, sure so should we? and if so how, THeRe should already bE an idea no?

ell : hmmmmmm it hink we shoudl celebrate either hitting half a year, or day two ONE one

M : Oh! yeah, 211 for sure

ell : but idea for tommorow could be a cipher

M : Good idea, simple though, O.K?

ell : okaey *references kriptos*

M : Why clue now ?!

ell : weve been clueing itsok

ell : took me like 20mins to make that hehe

M : For those who need a hint/solution see here

⠀⠀⠀MBALNODGEILMLG
⠀⠀⠀--
⠀⠀⠀NSEEOFCQIUTFIlEISV
⠀⠀⠀-
⠀⠀⠀UO5REGU
⠀⠀⠀-
⠀⠀⠀kIVMEA
⠀⠀⠀-
⠀⠀⠀GPEN
⠀⠀⠀-
⠀⠀⠀G

ell : been very late on writing these bloguess werecurently writing this on 030826, beyond is what we wrote for this day ofcours

M : I've got a system going where i'll be working on Memory Ecosystem one one week, and Blind's Date on the other

ell : burnoutpipeline.com

M : Well at least i have a schedule, and a motivation to write in additon to being a writer

ell : that sounds very self......self.....uh.....egocentric ?

M : If you think you are what you want to be, you will become what you want to be by already becoming it

ell : elaborate

M : Its like: if you put your mind to— nevermind. If you want to become a writer, becoming a writer will feel like a chore. But if you think you already are a writer, you will think writing is already natural to you

ell : zacdfilms huh

M : Shh...

ell : hows that going for you

M : Eh.

M : I feel like my bones are growing faster than my flesh

ell : our bonesa re still growing?

M : Figuratively speaking

ell : fair

M : Im so exhausted all the time, and so hungry for sleep

ell : imightve been to active

M : I keep passing out at 7pm

ell : healthy!

M : No!

ell : we recorded a little muscial cover on our birthday, i'll upload the video on the third but heres the link, of course another mini-arg

⠀⠀⠀papa.png

M : nope

M : Hello! you're probably reading this by the time i've been discharged—which means i'm fine, but my cough has evolved into a sickly ill

ell : bronchitisc

M : Or, just bronc____ [something, something] this is something i've had before and went to the hospital for before, hense why i decided to turn myself in

ell : your talking liek yur being arrested

M : Arrested indeed.

M : I've doodled a lot in our journal

ell : in the back?

M : Yes

ell : guhfghfhgfhgd

M : Coughs only twice

ell : ohyeah the horrible thing about this is that M always wants to kill ourselves whenever we cough more than twice or exactly thrice

M : I try not to, but fail i do

ell : stopppp holding it in doesnt do anything

ell : should we probably tell our online friends that weer in the hospital?

M : Do we want them to worry?

ell : i doubt they'd worry that much

M : I'll only tell Neo and a few others, i've been joining in on discord calls just to listen to people talk

ell : rlly? like free podcast

M : Yeah, free podcast

ell : now how's our composing assignments, our album, and your novel[s]

M : Shrivels up into a ball of me

ell : oekae

M : O.K!

M : I just realised how much of a double edged sword being bored is for creativity

ell : mhm, but i wouldnt say double edged sword

M : True, maybe... a... no a double edged sword is good, boredom gives the mind another room for our thoughts to w[o/a]ander in

ell : wonder wander

M : Intentional

ell : i kno und das ist sehr gut

M : Neo, germ-check real quick

ell : he wont read this yet

M : Oh, right, well, i'm getting discharged tommorow so i'll write everything i've written down here into the website

ell : sounds good and by the way youve been sounding very positive lately

M : Unstable minds we are

M : Hi

ell : M:Hi

M : ellM:Hi

ell : M:ellM:Hi

M : The album is finished, but it doesnt feel finished

ell : thenfisinigh it dumass

M : One more song

ell : and thenyu make 3 more songs for the album

M : B-Sides maybe?

ell : finsihgit already gushhghhghgsfdasfdafd

M : What got you so riled up for the album?

ell : caus its YOUR story damn it

M : Meaning i should be more... anticipated for the album to releace, but because im making it i—

ell : deadline 30 of thismonth

M : Gulp.

ell : and looking at the title you havent even named it

M : I have a vague idea

M : Don't worry, the title is just exaggeration

ell : hens why no blogues for a while sorrrieeee

M : And also, we've been using the journal — to be specific, journal no.4 — as a sort-of outlet too

ell : U need to draw quicker

M : I— Underscores mention?

ell : A E I O U !

M : Don't worry about them, they found out other music other than Björk existed

ell : and yet she keeps listening to bjork too huh

M : I was projecting

ell : isthat what projecting means?

M : How do we not know this?

ell : knot know

M : Googling it

ell : knot know knot know

M : Yeah, projecting is the right term here

ell : neo i need german verification

M : There wasn't even any german

ell : yet....... unheimlich

M : Stop larping{1} HOL, i barely got 253 pages in and i bet you're still in the introduction

ell : inserts footnote inserts sex scene oughf jonnnyy j o nn nn n y y yyyy

M : It's good we're conversing like this again, i missed this

ell : j on nnnnyyyyyyy

M : Stop.

ell : pussyhole

M : Stop..

ell : >house of leaves
>enters
>cant's leaves

M : Stop...

M : That's three, gotta hang you now

ell : hey they werent even homophonic single phoneme/sounds

M : Fair, crusifiction?

ell : ever since youre genocides youve been different

M : JONNNY, we need new meds

ell : im not sure what we expected

M : I guess we're orphans now

ell : theyre just shocked dont worry

M : I hope so

ell : please dont let thi s be a catalyst

M : I'll try to

ell :